Nature

A comment on my sex and puppies “marketing is stupid” post defied me to sell laxatives using sex or puppies. Okay. Let’s do laxatives. We’ll make one up called “Nature-Ease”, which we’ll say is an organic laxative suitable for children, in smaller doses, and adults, in larger ones.

Magazine ad (full page):

Full-color photo of a puppy looking wistfully out of a window at a sunny, green lawn outdoors. But the window is closed; the puppy’s looking out from between the panes.
Caption: When you’d really like to go…
Copy: For those times when you’d really like to go, but just can’t…Nature-Ease will relax you the natural way. Let Nature-Ease transform your discomfort into freedom. Our organic laxatives are formulated from nature’s ingredients, so it’s gentle on your system, and are recommended by doctors for adults as well as children as young as five years old. Nature-Ease will get you up and around again!
Small photo, inset at bottom right: the same puppy, running around happily in the sunshine
Product photo
Organic logo
(Small print: cautionary statements, disclaimers, etc.)

Easy.

TV commercial:

Same breed of puppy, sitting in a corner on a hardwood floor, looking forlorn. The lens has a slightly sepia filter.

Voice over (a woman): Are you feeling…stuck? Can’t get up and around? Sometimes we all need to get up and go…[sad tone]…but just can’t.

Pan back to a living room, clean, nicely furnished. Sepia filter quickly fades out. Predominant colors are white, pale blue and pale wood. A cute little girl is sitting on a sofa, looking unhappy. Her mom is next to her, looking concerned. The mom is a total MILF.

Voice over: When you’re unable to go, don’t worry. There’s a remedy close at hand. And it’s all natural, so it’s gentle; and doctor-recommended, so you know it’s safe.

In a sunny kitchen: mom leans over the counter to offer daughter a teaspoon of Nature-Ease. The bottle is shown prominently on the counter. The girl makes Bambi eyes and gratefully opens and swallows; mom’s blouse is undone to the third button.

Voice over: With Nature-Ease, you and your loved ones can relax. Our special formula works in just minutes, delivering an organic, natural remedy…so you can get on with your day.

On the kitchen floor: the puppy cautiously noses its water bowl; then eagerly starts drinking.

New location – the yard – a sunny lawn. The indescribably cute puppy is happily playing with a ball.

Voice over: Nature-Ease is the all-natural laxative, carefully crafted from time-tested ingredients, so you know it’s right for you and your loved ones. (Then the voice does all the medical disclaimer stuff about consulting a doctor, not getting erections or whatever.)

The little girl and the puppy are playing tug-of-war with a fluffy doggie toy. Product picture fades in at bottom right of screen as announcer concludes,

Voice over: Nature-Ease. The natural way to get yourself up and around again!

Fade out

Yeah, I still need a job. So fucking what…?